I just want some pain relief!

My physical therapist came to see me today, along with the senior territory manager of the company I get my TENS unit through.  They brought me a new unit, called an Electrotherapy System (I'm still going to call it a TENS unit or system since it's shorter!) to see if it would help me since the TENS unit I had used stopped doing the trick after two weeks.  When the lady put the new, much larger electrodes on my body, I was thrilled at how much better they adhered to my skin and when she turned the unit on, I liked what I felt.  This system has a very intense setting for the first half hour, yet I didn't think it would be too much for me as I had been dealing with my old TENS unit on the maximum strength for up to 16 hours per day.  After half an hour, I can set it to work as a regular TENS unit for the rest of the day and evening, except this one goes up much higher in its intensity.  Ahh, finally I would get relief!  Or so I thought.


Along with this new system, I was given two sets of rechargeable batteries and charger and was told both sets of batteries were fully charged.  So imagine my surprise when my TENS stopped working less than three hours into using it!  I figured the batteries had not been completely charged so I switched the batteries and proceeded to put the used ones on the charger.  Not even two hours later, the new ones quit on me.  What the hell?  Frustrated, I put a pair of regular AA batteries in the unit and they DIED after less than four hours.  Ohh my goodness!  This system uses so much more power than my last one that there is no way in hell I will be able to use it all day long as I need to do!  I will definitely be calling the territory manager to let her know my utter surprise and disappointment in this system as I need it to work the entire day.  Why can't it have a power cord?  That would be wonderful as I'm sitting next to an outlet most of my waking hours and this would save much time on switching batteries over and over again.  All I can say is I'm frustrated out of my mind and dying for some relief.

I had a very unsettling incident yesterday as Dorraine and I returned to my home with Emmi Sue after her blood sugar veterinarian check.  Dorraine brought her in, so the only thing I was carrying was my purse, but as soon as I walked into my house, my body suddenly became extremely weak.  The weather was a lovely 75°degrees and breezy, so it had nothing to do with excessive heat, but my body suddenly bent forward and my legs had almost no strength.  I walked a few steps to the kitchen counter, where the sink is located, and leaned my backside against it as Dorraine looked at me with the strangest expression.  I must have had the oddest look on my face as I told her I couldn't move.  I was stuck in that position and was honestly very frightened.  I finally managed to ask her to pass me my cane, which I have rarely used inside my home, so I could try to walk over to the computer chair.  I don't even want to know how horrible I looked as I dragged both legs those few feet to my chair.  What would I do if this lasted?  Today was Dorraine's day off and I would be alone all day.  I knew I could call my parents but they worry too much as it is and didn't want to cause them extra distress but they would, eventually, need to know this had happened, which I shared with Mom earlier today.  And yes, I do plan on getting a Lifeline unit for my home as soon as I get a phone line.  The state will actually pay for Lifeline (or MedicAlert, I'm not sure which one) and I will take care of the line itself.

I'm scheduled to see my friendly neighborhood chiropractor tomorrow (ok, technically today!) but I'm sure I will end up cancelling as we are expecting another scorcher.  The temperature was near 100°today and is expected to be even hotter tomorrow and I can't imagine what the heat will do to my body.  I'm afraid of having another reaction as I did just yesterday and it wasn't even because of the heat! Ugh, summer is the worst time of the year for me and I can't wait until fall although winter is damn horrible, too.  There's really no good time of the year where I live, which explains why I rarely leave my home.

A peaceful day full of reflections

This has been a peaceful day and evening for me.  I wish we could all have such lovely days where the phone doesn't ring, our children (human or four-legged) are on their best behavior, body aches are mostly under control and the day goes by without incidence.  It really has been ages since I've had one of these and it was much needed.

When I first saw this posted on Facebook, I thought to myself.. hmmm, this isn't me anymore.  So above the image, I wrote:  "The funny thing about me is that I don't want to be who I used to be before the MS.  I don't remember what that life was like anymore and I really love who I am today.  I would just love to be without the pain or needing to depend on others as much as I do.  Otherwise, I guess you could say that I've made my peace with MS and the life I have."  And as those of you who follow my blog know by now, this is exactly the way I feel.  This doesn't mean I don't miss doing things I did in my youth but to spend too much time looking back with anything but fondness would only cause heartache and not accomplish anything but hours of tears and wanting for something I can never reclaim.  So why bother?  I prefer to remember what I can and smile that I was able to do what I did and relish in those times when I'm sure I made my parents insane with my craziness!  Those are the memories worth hanging on to, not the ones which would make me cry.  I'm sure we all have enough sadness in our lives already and I, for one, do not wish to be more heartbroken than I need be.

When I was told I had MS, I felt it was the end of the world for me but what I hadn't realized was that it was actually the beginning of a new life and a new, exciting way of thinking.  It's true that I didn't allow this change to really take place until I was around the age of 37 or so, but it finally happened when my mind was able to embrace what lay before me.  How did this happen?  It didn't actually hit me until earlier today but I had hit rock bottom, which is when the greatest changes tend to occur in most people.


I had just gone through a terrible break up with my paralyzed ex-boyfriend.  It was so bad, in fact, that I tried to commit suicide as a way of making him stay with me.  I still cannot put my mind around the fact that I had done that, but that was how desperate I was for the mental abuse to continue because it was all I thought I deserved.  After two ex-husbands who had not treated me well and then this man who was not too mentally stable, I was afraid for him to go so I did the unthinkable.  I shot myself up with far too much insulin and followed it with a handful of Valium.  I ended up in the emergency room and then stayed for a couple days in the I.C.U. (intensive care unit) until my body stabilized.  While in the hospital I asked one of the nurses for some paper and wrote a diary entry, as I had kept a diary for around 25 years, and when I finished writing I signed it Lucy.  It was at that moment when the old me was put to rest and a new me began to emerge.  I would never look back after that point.

I am always a work in progress but there is one thing that changed drastically in the last few years.  I really and truly love who I have become and this is something I could never have said before.  When this change took place exactly, I can't even say, but it happened.  Maybe I just got tired of being miserable and finally realized the only one who could change my reality was me.  I'm not even sure but I think maybe that was it, or at least part of it.  Or maybe I wanted to be as wonderful as I felt my three little girls believed I was.  Yeah, there's more truth in that than anything else I could ever say.  I wanted to be more like them!  I embraced more of a carefree attitude (which my younger brother would probably debate!) and realized that not believing in a higher power and announcing this was the right thing for me and in doing this, I freed myself from the prison my heart and mind had been living in.  From that moment forward, each day has had more promise, seemed brighter and I've been happier in my own skin so it has been one of the absolute best decisions I ever made for myself.


Each of us has our own path to take and our choices are ours alone but the consequences of these options can be either damaging or life affirming.  I choose to no longer make harmful decisions and take my time before selecting what to do, whereas I used to behave rather recklessly.  This is my one chance at life and I intend on making the best of it.

Stop focusing on others and BREATHE!

I feel terribly guilty for not having written anything lately but to be honest, my mind has been quite blank these last few days.  Maybe it would be more accurate to say it has been more on the scattered side, than blank.  I start writing and my mind goes off in so many different directions that any thought I almost had, flies out the window and I'm left wondering what the heck I had wanted to write about in the first place.  Yup, cognitive difficulties!  I'm having those a lot lately.


I began writing this entry late last night but my mind is more clear this evening and I feel I should write about something that many have been commenting on in the MS RANT OUT LOUD room on Facebook.  The topic has been the announcement and interview with Jack Osborn on the television show The Talk.  I had not seen the show on the day it aired (June 20, 2012) but found the link a little bit ago and watched. Keeping in mind the absolute anger, rage even, that many have expressed towards Jack's reaction to the diagnosis, I was expecting to have a completely different opinion of the show, but I was pleasantly surprised.  Comments I have read ranged from his being in denial to his being the "wrong person" to represent those of us with MS to his being rich somehow makes a difference and will make his battle easier.  I have to disagree with all those statements.

I have been wondering, what if Jack Osborn is actually much stronger than anyone realizes?  It could very well be that he has not done enough research on MS quite yet and is choosing to put his attention on his fiance and their newborn baby girl rather than immerse himself in depressing facts centered on the life he will face with MS and I find this perfectly understandable.  Who could blame him?  I would try to concentrate on more pleasant subjects, too!  I remember how it was when I was first diagnosed and if anyone would have asked me questions, I would have been at a loss to respond in a way befitting the journey which had been thrust upon me.  Jack Osborn is only five weeks into his battle with MS.  I feel some compassion is needed in this case and I would hope anyone would give a newly diagnosed individual time to cope and understand what may lie ahead.

One of the points some had brought up was his being from a wealthy family and yes, this will make many things easier for him but it won't heal him.  The lovely Ms. Annette Funicello, of The Mickey Mouse Club fame, has not done well with her multiple sclerosis.  Comic genius Richard Pryor was diagnosed with MS in 1986 (age 46), was wheelchair bound by the mid 1990's and died of a heart attack at the age of 65.  David Lander, who played "Squiggy" on Laverne and Shirley was diagnosed with MS in 1984 but did not make it public knowledge until 1999.  Actress Teri Garr, who starred in the movie Tootsie with Dustin Hoffman, also has MS.  Apparently, her problems began during the filming of this movie in the early 80's.  The reason I am listing these famous people is that whether someone has money or not, MS can still hit you.. sometimes hard and other times not as much.  But this goes for anyone!  Sure, they can afford better power chairs and housekeepers and things like that, but they can no more find a cure than any of us.  And honestly, I do not wish a harsh prognosis on Jack Osborn but if his having MS will bring our disease more recognition than it has gotten, then perhaps this will be a new, positive direction in his life.  But I do not know anything about him so I should not even say this.  For all I know, he has cleaned up his life from what it once was (I read that he was a drug user in the past) and already had a great outlook.

All this being said, I hope everyone will focus on themselves and not worry about anyone else's battles quite so much.  We have enough in our lives as it is and to put so much energy on others is draining!  Take a deep breath and be glad you are still here to go on one more day.. one more day to smile, laugh, love and breathe in one more breath.

Too much damn pain and why I fight every day.

Pain has a way of dictating the tone of a day or couple of days.  These last two days have been difficult, to say the least.  Most of Sunday was filled with pain in my right hip but when I decided to take a shower around 6pm, it became at least 80% worse.. and it had already been pretty damn bad.

I am fortunate to have a handicap accessible shower, which was installed earlier this year and allows me to bathe using a shower chair, but it is still not enough.  By the time I finished showering, dried myself off and had applied product to my hair, I was in such inexplicable pain that I was shaking from head to toe, crying and needed to sit on the toilet to keep from falling.  I couldn't believe such pain could exist!  It got no better when I stood back up and knew I couldn't even lay down for at least another five to six hours as my hair takes that long to dry and with my lack of energy and pain, there was no way I would be able to use a blow dryer.

When I awoke this morning and headed to the bathroom, as I usually do, my body felt as it had the night before.  Ugh, another day of this crap!  I looked into the bedroom when I left the bathroom and there was my little Allie, waiting for me to return and I could not resist her sweetness.  I sat down and leaned against my pillows as she gently rammed her little head on my left leg, purring and meowing as she looked up at me.  Her sweet face and love brought tears to my eyes.  How she loves me!  There is no one else in the world my Allie trusts yet I have somehow managed to earn this and it is not something I take lightly.  As I repeated her name, she kept rubbing against my body, purring and circling around me as tears ran down my face.  I wish I could explain to her how much she means to me and how her actions make my life a better place.  Without her this morning, I would not have been able to smile and may not have even gotten up at all.  I call her my Allie Angel, even though I do not believe in the supernatural!  Yet there is something very special about my little girl that goes beyond explanation.

I did see my chiropractor today and mentioned to him my disappointment in how the TENS unit has not been helping me in the least during the last couple weeks.  It could have much to do with the weather and barometer fluctuations but the point was that it has not been doing a damn thing for me.  At least the bi-weekly adjustment seem to help me a bit or at least until the next appointment and for that, I am eternally grateful.  I'll take whatever I can get!


Lately, I feel as if I have (almost) reached my breaking point.  I wonder how much more of this I will be able to take but know I will take as much as is thrown at me because there is no other alternative.  I fight through each day for the love of my babies.  They are my daily inspiration to keep going forward but sometimes, I will admit that I wish I didn't care quite so much.  It gets so hard when the pain becomes almost more than I can bear.  But my babies need me and I need them.  Many may think I am insane to love three cats as much as I do, but this would mean they do not know me nor do they have any idea who my girls really are.  To know my three little angels is to know how they have changed me into a better person and to see me with them is to recognize how I am the only one who will ever love them as they need to be loved.  I would not trade any of them for anything in the world and that includes my MS.  I will live with this damn disease if it means I have my three girls for the rest of their lives.  They are why I am alive today and why I will be here tomorrow.  I love you, Emmi Sue, Jinger and Allie! ♥

My sweet Allie, Emmi Sue and Jinger.. the reasons I can smile and live.

A brilliant day!

Today turned out to be such a lovely day!  OK, technically, it was yesterday but it's still today (or tonight) to me.  I was at home, as usual, yet some days at home can be just as fantastic as ones spent out on the town.  It gave me a chance to chat at length with someone I had been wanting to get to know better and I can't begin to say how happy I am this finally happened!  Ahh, it really was a brilliant day and evening which I can only hope to have once again.. maybe even as soon as tomorrow.

Aside from this wonderful conversation and the fun I had with my great new friend, Amy, I have been plagued with the same horrible, unending pain in my hips that I had months ago.  The TENS unit, which had helped me so much at the beginning, is no longer coming close to taking away any of the discomfort anymore and I am near losing my mind.  Will anything ever help?  It seems I will be doomed to this pain for the rest of my life and I don't know how much more of this I will be able to take.  Even getting up to prepare a cup of coffee or get my Emmi Sue's insulin in the evening brings enough pain that tears well up in my eyes and it takes all my will to not scream.


The only moment I feel no pain is when I'm asleep so I should at least take consolation in that and in the fact that I'm able to sleep well each night.  I should publish my "nighttime medicine cocktail" as it works wonders!  Three to four hours after taking my meds, I feel nicely drugged and the moment my head hits my pillow, I'm out for the night.  And when I awaken each morning, I feel well rested and ready for a new day of.. well, a new day of pain.  But at least I slept well and can attack the day.  What more could I ask for under the circumstances?

I try to be a happy, optimistic person and this has not changed but I suddenly feel much more confident that things may be heading in a much more positive direction for me.  Through these MS rooms and pages I am a member of, I am meeting new people and becoming friends with many who are changing my life in ways I have needed for a very long time.  More than anything, I wish none of my friends had to live with MS but since this cannot be changed, I'm thankful we can share our experiences and help one another through the difficult times we've had and will continue to endure.

Emotional issues in MS

Emotional issues in MS are extremely difficult to cope with, adjust to and learn to accept.  I feel an entire course on adjusting to an MS diagnosis should be offered on this subject alone!  This is not to say that other illnesses, whether chronic or otherwise are not devastating, but there must be a reason why MS is the one in which there are the most clinically depressed people and the highest suicide rate.

When I was first diagnosed in 1990, I was completely lost and did not feel as if I needed to only step over a speed bump to deal with it, but felt I had just hit a brick wall.  I was completely torn apart by my diagnosis and had no idea what to do, where to turn or how to handle such a life changing illness that I fell into a deep depression where no one could reach me.  I was already suffering from low self-esteem and self-hatred so to have this on top of everything was basically too  much for me to handle and I found myself on a downward spiral to places I wish I had never gone.  The depression over my diagnosis was so overwhelming, the MS was attacking my legs very violently, my vision was fading quickly that my brain could not deal with the pain all this brought so I tried to end my life many times.  I am not proud of the way I handled the MS in my early days, but it was the only way I could think of how to do things at the time and I have grown much since then.


I feel my first MS symptom was depression and I had this since I was around 14 or 15 years old but was never treated for this condition until I was 20.  By the time I was diagnosed with MS, I was already on an antidepressant but struggled in knowing I would need to take that pill every day for the rest of my life.  I eventually accepted this, but not until my 30's, and am much happier since understanding that being clinically depressed is something that is not my fault but merely a condition that is completely out of my control.  It is no different than having MS or being diabetic. Without my medication, I will die.  Plain and simple.  One pill per day equals a healthy, clear thinking Lucy.  And honestly, no one on earth deserves to feel as I did before I was medicated.  The thoughts that would go through my head, the pain I felt inside my mind, the hatred that resided within me, are things not one person on earth should ever feel.  This is part of what MS did to me and it is really the one thing I have been able to control and for this, I am happy beyond belief.

OK, so according to what I found on the National MS Society's webpage http://www.nationalmssociety.org/about-multiple-sclerosis/what-we-know-about-ms/symptoms/emotional-changes/index.aspx


In addition to its physical symptoms, MS may have profound emotional consequences.  At first, it may be difficult to adjust to the diagnosis that is unpredictable, has a fluctuating course, and carries a risk of progressing over time to some level of physical disability.  Lack of knowledge about the disease adds to the anxieties commonly experienced by people who are newly diagnosed.  In addition to these emotional reactions to the disease, demyelination and damage to nerve fibers in the brain can also result in emotional changes.  Some of the medications used in MS-- such as corticosteroids-- can also have significant effects on the emotions.  


Some of the emotional changes observed in MS include the following:
-- Major depressive episodes as well as less severe depressive symptoms
-- Grieving for losses related to the disease
-- Stress and reactions to stressful situations
-- Generalized distress and anxiety
-- Emotional lability or mood swings
-- Pseudobulbar Affect (uncontrollable laughing and/or crying)
-- Inappropriate behavior such as sexual aggressiveness


"Depression" is a term that people apply to a wide variety of emotional states.  These may range from feeling down for a few hours on a given day to severe clinical depression that may last for several months.  People with MS and all those closely associated with them should be aware that depression in its various forms is common during the course of multiple sclerosis.  In fact, studies have suggested that clinical depression, the severest form of depression, is more frequent among people with MS than it is in the general population or even in persons with other chronic, disabling conditions.  Depression does not indicate weak character and it should not be considered something shameful that needs to be hidden.  Depression is not something that a person can control or prevent by willpower or determination.  In its most severe forms, depression appears to be a chemical imbalance that may occur at any time, even when life is going well.  The most effective treatment for depression is a combination of psychotherapy and antidepressant medication.  Although support groups may be helpful for less severe depressive symptoms and generalized distress, they are no substitute for intensive clinical treatment.


Persons with MS often experience losses-- for example of the ability to work, to walk, or to engage in certain leisure activities.  The process of mourning for these losses may resemble depression.  However, grief is generally time-limited and resolves on its own.  Moreover, a person experiencing grief may at times be able to enjoy some of life's activities.  Clinical depression is more persistent and unremitting, with continuous symptoms lasting at least two weeks.  Grieving is generally related to changes in self-image triggered by the disease-- for example, no longer being able to think of oneself as an athlete.  However, this process seems to be evolutionary and, with time and adaptive coping strategies, the individual can develop an altered self-image.


Grief generally resolves with time even without treatment.  However, supportive counseling, support groups, as well as an understanding and supportive environment can help the process along.


Life is full of stress and MS generally adds a hefty dose of disease-related stress to the mix.  MS is unpredictable and just anticipating the next exacerbation can be a significant source of stress.  MS can also lead to some major life changes such as loss of mobility and interference with work.. Thus the person with MS faces significant challenges in coping with a potentially stressful life.


Stress has also been cited as a possible precipitant of the onset of MS or a trigger for exacerbation.  Studies of the effects of stress on MS, however, have had conflicting results.  It is important to not fall into the trap of trying to "avoid stress," a nearly impossible task given the realities of life.  Moreover, family and friends should not make the mistake of feeling guilty because they think they may have "created stress" in the person's life.  Stress is part of the reality of living and probably the best approach, rather than trying to avoid it, is to learn how best to manage and cope with it.


Stress-management programs are readily available and have become an accepted part of the treatment of many medical disorders.  Professional counseling as well as support groups can also help in learning how better to cope with stress.

Reading all that information from the National MS Society was very overwhelming, even for me and I've been dealing with MS for what seems like a lifetime.  The best advice I can give is simply this.  Life was meant to be lived, not merely survived.  Life is difficult and stressful at different degrees for everyone and we can't allow it to devastate us to the degree of it taking away our will to live or crippling us mentally.  MS is now a part of our lives and the most we can do is learn to make room for it in our lives and accept it to the best of our abilities.  

MS symptoms explained.. Cognitive disturbances

Cognitive and emotional disturbances.
So today is the day I attack the MS symptom I find most troublesome.  Cognitive issues!  When the MS hit me in my early 20's, I couldn't imagine anything worse than losing my legs until I started having trouble using my hands.  But all this paled in comparison with losing some of my cognitive function.  It almost seemed as if from one day to the next, my short term memory faded away into nothingness.

It's strange how I can recall certain things happening at the time my memory began to vanish, yet at the time, I couldn't remember hardly anything.  For example there was a day, about ten years ago, when I called my mom maybe four or five times within a few minutes of hanging up with her to tell her the exact same thing.  I don't remember doing that, but I do know that it was the day my mom insisted I start writing things down and use my dry-erase board to keep track of the last time I had called.  It was at that time when I started using Post-It Notes as little reminders for many things and stick them on the outside of my computer monitor.


The scariest incident was about eight years ago, when I had decided to go back to a local junior college.  I thought that it would, perhaps, help in strengthening my cognitive thinking.  I recall driving home from class and was nearing my exit (I have to drive on the interstate for only a few seconds to get to my exit) when I became completely disoriented but didn't realize it.  I kept driving forward for probably at least a half hour to forty-five minutes before I questioned if I even lived so far from town or not.  I was frightened but had no idea what to do, where I was, or even who to call.  This was before I had a cell phone but even if I had had one, I don't think I would have had the presence of mind to use it.  How I eventually got home, I do not know.  What I remember is pulling into my driveway quite late that evening, in tears, walking into the house and hugging my girls as I honestly did not think I would ever see them again!  After this incident, I dropped a couple classes as I realized it was too much for me and it would be better to concentrate on two classes than make myself crazy with four.

I was evaluated by a psychiatrist at Rush Hospital in Chicago in 2006 or '07.  I had gone to see an MS specialist and agreed to see the psychiatrist, too, but mostly out of curiosity.  I found his analysis not only amusing, but he also justified many of my behaviors.  He read three paragraphs and asked what I could remember and in classic "MS form," I had some recollection of the first and third paragraphs but the second one did not exist in my memory.  The only reason I found it amusing was that for some time before seeing him, I had been having problems remembering lists of items of more than two things people would tell me.  Finally, justification!  It wasn't that I was not concentrating or didn't care.  It really was my MS!  I'm not one to blame things on my MS but this time, I had reason to do so.  But enough of my own personal stories.. I'll give some facts as stated on the Multiple Sclerosis International Federation site: http://www.msif.org/en/about_ms/ms_by_topic/cognitive_problems/


It is now recognized that MS may cause problems with memory, planning, foresight, and judgment. Studies have shown that minor defects in cognition are quite common (up to 70%), even in early MS (up to 50%) . Approximately 10% of people with MS will have fairly serious cognitive difficulties. Dementia can be an accompaniment of severe disabling MS of long-term duration. 

The most frequent cognitive abnormalities in MS are subtle defects in abstraction, memory, attention and word finding. They are usually associated with emotional lability and decreased speed on information processing. Thought processes of the brain are interconnected to the conscious areas of the brain via myelinated nerves. There can be problems transporting memories to consciousness and processing of thoughts…. creating difficulties with concentration and reasoning.

A number of compensatory techniques can help with the cognitive problems of MS. First, the difficulties need to be identified and their extent measured and considered in the context of the person's individual circumstances. This is done through testing, either by a speech pathologist or more formally by a neuropsychologist. It should be remembered that some tasks and occupations need an excellent memory while others do not. Nobody's memory is perfect and everyone suffers from memory lapses and occasional confusion. Stress, anxiety, and fatigue all decrease cognition, especially memory. Poor concentration may add to the problem. Depression must be treated. A person with MS often does not recognize his or her depression but may respond to medication and therapy. Psychological tests may be necessary to make the diagnosis of depression.

The following strategies have been found to be helpful in managing cognitive problems: 

1. Make lists - shopping lists, lists of things to do, and so forth.
2. Use a calendar for appointments and reminders of special days.
3. Establish a memory notebook to log daily events, reminders, and/or messages from family and friends.
4. Use a tape recorder to help remember information or make up lists.
5. Organize your environment so that things remain in familiar places.
6. Carry on conversations in quiet places to minimize environmental distractions.
7. Ask people to keep directions simple.
8. Repeat information and write down important points.
9. Establish good eye contact during any discussion.

And then there's the second part of this category, emotional disturbances.  Yeah.  I think I'll get into this one tomorrow!  I actually have a longer list to add to what I've already gone through anyway, so imagine all the fun we'll have together!  But I do want to add this.  I realize how overwhelming all these facts are and how terribly frightening it all becomes when you are newly diagnosed or know someone facing MS.  As hard as it may be some days, the important thing is to not focus on the MS every moment of every day.  There is beauty in each day.  Focus on the wonderful aspects of your life that kept you going before your diagnosis, or find new meaning in activities you were afraid to try before.  You are not your MS.  MS is merely a small part of you but it does not define who you are.  Please, never forget this.