MS.. so damn tired

After the horror of Saturday, yesterday was a relatively good day for me and was actually laughing and smiling when my parents came over for a short visit in the evening.  It was almost impossible to imagine the pain I had been in less than 24 hours earlier and just as quickly, it was gone.  Today, however, is a different story.

The "beauty" of multiple sclerosis is that when our bodies, and/or minds, go through any sort of trauma, the MS kicks into gear once again.. almost as if to remind us that "hey, I'm here and you still need to deal with me, too!"  Yeah, thanks MS.  As if I could ever forget you are there?!  So as I was laying in bed this morning and my sweet little Allie was snuggling close to me and rolling around, I tried to stroke her fur and I wasn't able to.  My right arm and hand felt completely uncoordinated and I accidentally smacked her on the nose, yet she didn't leave my side.  How do my girls understand so well that I'm not hurting them on purpose?  She looked up at me, rubbed her adorable little face against my arm and let me just lay there as I enjoyed the feel of her against my body.  My babies are truly my daily life savers.

My sweet baby Allie

I'm not sure if I will have a full fledged MS flare up after having a kidney stone or not but for now, I'm dealing with very weak hands and arms and extreme exhaustion from doing nothing.  Ahh, MS is such a wonderful demon to have on my side but such is life.  I know it could be worse but at this moment I just want to scream out loud "haven't I been through enough lately?!!"  I'm having a little bit of a pity party for myself but know I'll be over it soon since it does me absolutely no good at all to feel this way for any significant length of time.  I guess I'm just tired of being strong today.  I'm tired of needing to concentrate so much to simply sign my name or to write an appointment on my calendar(s).  Everything is such a damn struggle lately and I wish there was something I could do to make life easier, but I can't.  I'm lucky that my parents help me as much as they do and that Dorraine does as much as she does for me but there are things that I need to do for myself, such as bathe and give my girls their medications.  Even getting dressed drains me of the little energy I have these days.

I'm just so damn tired.