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| This kitty isn't Emmi Sue, but she's so adorable that I couldn't help but use this today. |
It's hard to believe that it has been three weeks since my Emmi Sue was in my arms. What's even harder to grasp is how far I've come. Since that evening when I ran my fingers through her ashes, I didn't cry until last night as I lay in bed. Jinger was snuggled next to me, as she has done each night for quite some time, and I suddenly reached over to my right hip and wanted so desperately to feel Emmi Sue laying on top of me. I cried for a few moments and then held Jinger that much tighter. Really, I don't consider not crying a sign of healing, but being that I am a very tearful person, it's a good thing for me to be able to look at her photographs and talk about her without tearing up and my voice quivering. My memories of Emmi Sue are wonderful and the love I feel for her continues to grow with each passing day. She will always be my first daughter and as I told her each night, "no one will ever take that place from you."
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| Emmi Sue's display on my mantle, including two of her favorite toys, my beanie teddy bears! |
As promised, I have taken a few pictures of Emmi Sue's final resting place and I am continually touched at how much time and care my dad took in making it absolutely perfect for my little girl.
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| My dad burned her name, probable birth date and day of passing into the wood, all written in my handwriting. |
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| My Emmi Sue's beautiful back paw print, including a few claw marks. I added her name and heart to it. |
I still feel the tremendous loss of Emmi Sue every single day, but I'm learning to cope with life without her presence. She's still with me in "spirit" and that will have to be enough.
For the first time EVER, my family will be at my house on christmas eve and I can't wait. My parents will be bringing most of the food, while I'll bake a couple apple cakes for dessert while Mom, Dad and my brother Gonzalo are here. Is it silly that I'm excited for them to be here? Nah, it's kind of a special occasion, even for us Atheists. Having my family in my home is something I never experienced until my brother was home a few weeks ago, and it was spectacular. He has allergies and was never able to tolerate being in my home for too long, but I think my new "homemaker" Kim's three times per week vacuuming has made the difference. Yes, Dorraine is still my homemaker, too, but since she was diagnosed with COPD, she isn't able to breathe too well and is not able to do too much when she comes over. I love that she was reassigned to me as I missed her so much, as did Jinger and Allie. The moment she steps into my home, Jinger practically attacks her! Yeah, it's a love-fest and it's great to have her back and doing pretty well.
In case I don't write again until after xmas, I would like to extend my sincerest wishes to everyone and may you have a very safe, happy, magical, fantastic holiday season. On a final note, keep those who are less fortunate, not only in your thoughts but give them a helping hand. I, for one, am going to donate food and kitty litter to our local No-Kill animal shelter, where I adopted Emmi Sue. It won't be until after the New Year as funds are extremely tight at the moment, but it will be done in her name and I know she would be proud. Happy Xmas to all!
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