Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My Emmi Sue is fighting for her life.

I learned some very distressing news last Thursday.  As I've written before, one of my kitties, my little Emmi Sue, was having blood sugar issues but it had recently been resolved so she was no longer receiving insulin.  Her doctor and I were still concerned because of her losing far too much weight lately, so I took my baby in to see her one week ago to have blood drawn so she could run a series of tests to find what was causing the weight loss.
My Emmi Sue laying on our bed, before the massive weight loss began.
Emmi Sue's vet, Dr. Kulemin, called me last Thursday with the test results while I was out to eat with my parents and by the look on my face, my mom knew it wasn't good.  I learned that my sweet little girl has chronic kidney disease (CKD).  There is no cure for this and her condition is quite advanced as her phosphorus levels are through the roof, meaning her kidneys have lost around 90% of their function.  The doctor prescribed a couple medications to help stabilize Emmi Sue's condition as much as we can and luckily, she is not giving me too much trouble in taking them.

I have been doing a lot of reading on the subject of feline chronic kidney disease, as I wish to be as educated on this as much as possible, yet I find myself bursting out in tears many times throughout the day and I'm completely inconsolable.  I'm trying to enjoy each moment with Emmi Sue as I know our time together will not be as long as I had hoped, yet when I look into her pretty green eyes, I feel she knows something is happening inside her tiny body.  I will do everything in my power to keep her alive and make her life as happy as possible, yet I feel I will also know when it's time to let go.. no matter how much it will kill me.  It's killing me right now just to type those words!  I promised her, and her sisters, that I will love them and give them the best lives for as long as they live, but I will not be so selfish as to keep them alive when they are in severe pain and needing me to let go.  I love them far too much to do this.  I realize I am getting ahead of myself to think this way already, but I'm trying to prepare myself for what will, inevitably, happen much sooner than I had anticipated.
My sweet Emmi Sue's adorable little face ♥
My life has been me and my kitties for the last ten years.  Just us four girls against the world, is what I tell them, and that's pretty much how it has been.  I go to the sofa, they follow me.  I head towards the kitchen, and they're right behind me.  I climb into bed, and all three jump in after me.  It's a very peaceful life we girls live here and I couldn't imagine living any other way. ♥