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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Jinger's lab results are great, Emmi Sue's, not so much

The vet called yesterday and I'm happy to report that my Jinger's lab results were phenomenal.  I only need to purchase one over-the-counter medication so she won't have such a hairball problem, but other than that, she's damn perfect!  Being a long-haired kitty who constantly grooms, hairballs have been a problem most of her life but have gotten worse as the years have gone by.

Unfortunately, Emmi Sue's results were nowhere near as good as her younger sister's.  I don't have the full report in hand, but our vet read me the most important results and for the most part, everything has gotten worse.  Our vet, Dr. Ecker, wants to switch Emmi Sue's fluids to something called Lactated Ringer's, which is administered the same way as the subcutaneous fluids I'm giving her now, so I have no problem with it.  I'll have more information about this on Friday at Emmi Sue's follow-up appointment.  She would also like to change the appetite stimulant I'm giving my baby, along with giving her an anti-nausea medication every three days.  I don't know more than this at the moment, but I'm sure we'll go into more details this Friday.
The close relationship I have with my girls is something I cannot put into words.  The trust Emmi Sue has in me at a time when I give her all kinds of medications and subcutaneous fluids, means so much to me and gives me the courage to continue forward in this battle against her Chronic Kidney Disease.  I love her beyond words and know she loves me just as much.
My Emmi Sue is such a dear, loving little baby and I can't even begin to describe how sweet she really is with me.  The last couple evenings, she has gently touched my leg so I could hold her in my arms, where she stayed for over an hour, cradled like a little baby. I love when she does this and I always wonder what sort of thoughts go through her mind when she looks up at me and reaches out to touch my face.  When I tried to put her on the floor, she clutched at my nightshirt so I was unable to do so and it made me want to cry.  Emmi Sue has done this many times before, but she seems to be holding onto me in such a desperate way lately, much more than usual.  I wish I could explain to her what is going on in her life or why it is that I need to stab her with that large needle every single day, but there's no way to do this.  She needs to trust me, which she does.  Maybe once she begins to feel better, she'll understand, but I just don't know.  All I do know is that I will go do the ends of the earth for my precious Emmi Sue, as I would for any of my girls.  I always knew I loved and adored them but when their health began to deteriorate, I really learned just how much I value them.  And babies, you are truly my life. ♥ Emmi Sue ♥ Allie ♥ Jinger ♥ The meaning in my life.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Waiting for a moment when I can finally breathe

I haven't written much about my MS lately and it's not that it hasn't been affecting me, but when one's children aren't doing well, even if my children are cats, they truly do become the priority.
After the stress of taking Jinger and Emmi Sue to our new veterinarian this past Friday, I have not been able to relax for more than a few minutes.  When I don't see Emmi Sue anywhere nearby, I become panicked and start calling out her name over and over again until she finally comes out of hiding.  I'm literally driving myself crazy with worry and probably making her upset in the process, yet she's still being relatively clingy, at least in the evenings.  During the day, she knows I look for her so I can give her oral medications and administer the subcutaneous fluids, but I also just want to hug and hold her close to my heart.  I'm very concerned as Emmi Sue was less interested in eating as much as usual yesterday, but hopefully, she'll be back to wanting to eat a bit more today.  To be honest, as much as I need to hear what the vet will tell me she found out in the lab results when she calls later this afternoon, I dread learning the results for both Jinger and Emmi Sue.

One thing I've learned during the last week and a half since my parents have been out of the country, is that I'm much stronger than I give myself credit.  No one has been here to hold my hand as I've been dealing with many difficult moments with my beloved kitties.  It's all been about me and my babies, without much outside influence, so this shows me that I need to rely on myself more and depend on others less.  I can do more than I thought I could.  Even when it comes to driving, I've proven to myself that I can do it!  If there's much walking once I arrive somewhere, well, that's the exception for me.  There's no reason to exhaust myself since being tired is when my right leg stops functioning and makes driving absolutely impossible.
The pain in my back, pelvis and hips has been off the charts lately, but I'm sure much of it is due to my not seeing my chiropractor since my parents left on vacation earlier this month.  Had I realized I was able to drive, I would have made a few appointments in their absence but there isn't anything I can do about it now.  Perhaps I'll schedule one for Thursday as the pain is becoming unbearable.  

Aside from this "usual" pain, I seem to be retaining an extortionate amount of fluids as my ankles and feet are huge!  Even when I was getting dressed yesterday and putting on one of my more comfy, looser bras, I was barely able to put it on.  Of course, this prompted me to weigh myself and I was shocked at what I saw!  The scale showed me at 12 lbs. more than just one week ago, which is completely insane.  Each day, I drink one cup of coffee and eat one 8 oz. Greek yogurt for breakfast (around 11 am or noon).  That's all I eat until around 6 or 7 pm, aside from drinking maybe a diet 7up and/or a bottle of water.  I admit that I have not been drinking enough water lately so I have made a point to drink much more today, but the number on the scale upset me quite a bit.  I mean, later in the day I still don't eat very much as I do not allow myself to purchase sugar-filled foods or junk types of items, so what has happened?  With my girls not feeling well, I've hardly had an appetite at all, but I think my lack of drinking water is the culprit so I'm trying to hydrate myself as my sausage legs are sickening to look at.  I miss looking down and seeing my bony feet and ankles!
I have also noticed my emotions less that stable this past month and it is worrying me.  With my next appointment with psychiatrist a couple weeks away, I'm not allowing myself to get too worked up about anything, but I'm sure she will be adding another medication to the one I am already taking.  The stress, worry, anxiety I've been under is getting to me and I don't need to have a break-down at a time when my sweet babies need me to be extremely focused.  Honestly, the last thing in the world I want is to lose my grip as their health and well-being is in my hands, as I am their mother.  I hardly take this responsibility lightly so I need to make sure I'm at the top of my game for them, if not for me, but I happen to like being well.  I just need to stay focused on them, what's best for them and me, and I'm sure things will fall into place, but this has been a very stressful time in our lives.  I only hope I can hold it together as things with Emmi Sue and Jinger's health may become more challenging, before they finally level off and we can coast along peacefully and I'm finally able to take a deep breath and exhale without too much worry.