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Monday, January 7, 2013

As difficult as it may be to accept, life does go on......

It seems like a million years since I last wrote but I feel it's time to move on to more subjects than my Emmi Sue, although she is always foremost on my mind.  Today was Allie's first visit to our vet, Dr. Carolyn Ecker.  I was eager for her and her staff to meet my shiest little girl, and the one I consider the youngest.  Here is how my mind works.  When I adopted Jinger and Allie, Jinger weighed 1¼ lbs., while Allie only weighed one pound, so based on their weight is how I decided Allie was the youngest of my twin babies.  Yes, I know how ridiculous this is, but I had to mentally choose the order of birth, and it's how I did it.  Tah dah, I was as insane 14½ years ago as I am today!
Mommy and Allie back in 1999 when she wasn't even one year old yet (and  I had a horrendous haircut!).
It was really no surprise to me when Dr. Ecker confessed to me that of my three girls, Allie is her absolute favorite.  Allie has always been the most gentle of my girls, and the way she meows sounds like a soft melody she is singing for me.  Dr. Ecker also praised me on how well Allie appeared.  From the way she looked, she would have never guessed her age as her body doesn't have the typical hanging belly most older cats seem to get (Jinger doesn't have this either), her fur is thick and not matted in the least (despite my not being able to brush her anymore), her eyes are bright and her teeth and gums looked extremely healthy.  Yay!  I'll have the results of her full labs tomorrow afternoon so then I'll be able to breathe in a full sigh of relief, but I feel Allie is in perfect health and will be with me for many years to come.
I have to say that after today's vet appointment, I think I may be recovering a bit more after Emmi Sue's passing.  Holding Allie in my arms as I did at the office, I felt like such a "mom," and I haven't felt this way in ages.  Ugh, it really isn't fair of me to say this since Jinger cries for me to hold her a few times each day and night, but somehow, it's not the same thing.  Allie was frightened and needed me to hold her so she could dig her sweet little face in my arm.  I needed to protect her and really take care of my baby, and I miss being so needed.  

I think I need to reevaluate things with Jinger, though.  She cries and cries for me to hold her and while I do take the time to do this, I'm somehow annoyed at her far too often.  I shouldn't be feeling this way towards my baby girl, especially when I can't even fall asleep unless Jinger is snuggled in my arms as she spoons against my chest.  I'm spending far too much time being sad and miserable to see the fantastic girls I have in my life and I only hope I'm not hurting them (mostly Jinger) in the process.  Jinger is the only reason I will not adopt another cat at this time, no matter how much I may want to do this.  She is still utterly depressed and not knowing what her new place is, so how could I even consider bringing another baby into our home?  Hell no!  My two girls come first in my life but I really need to start showing Jinger how much I absolutely adore her, rather than just say it here in my blog.
One of Jinger's favorite things to do is jump in the empty laundry basket when I'm doing the wash.  I leave it out for her, in the hallway, so she can jump in and out to her heart's content!
On another subject, a few months back I had written that there was a possibility that I, too, may have some kidney damage.  Luckily, all tests showed that this is not the case but my right foot and ankle are STILL swollen beyond belief.  I've had numerous tests, a Dopplar Ultrasound of the right leg, and still nothing is conclusive.  My general physician put me on a "pee" pill in December, with little results.  He switched me to another this month but I'm not seeing any results as of yet.  His other recommendation has been to try compression socks, but I'm afraid those may aggravate my MS, as anything tight usually does.  It may be my final option, so I'll keep holding my breath for these pills to work, but I'm not feeling too hopeful.  Tight damn socks, I believe I'll be trying you out soon!