I was fortunate to visit Krissy for five weeks in 1993, before going to Bolivia with my brothers, and had a wonderful time with her, her husband and her two boys, Ingimar and Daniel (she now has a third son, Ísak). OK, so her husband and I didn't exactly hit it off too well but being with Krissy more than made up for it!
Me and Krissy at her mom's house, May 1993 |
First of all, Krissy and I have been best friends since the 7th grade and this deserves a photograph, right? OK, so here it is! She may kill me for posting this pic but I'm willing to risk it since I know she loves me.. please remember that when you get upset with me, Krissy!
Krissy and me, Halloween 1981 |
As much as I hate wearing red, it's one of the best colors on me so I imagined myself in a short, tight red dress and ridiculously high heels since I can't really wear those in reality. I'm sure I would have paired the heels with some sexy fishnet thigh highs to make the outfit complete. Krissy opted for more casual attire, as she chose to wear a thin grey sweater with jewels on the shoulders and a swoop neck with light blue skinny jeans and closed pumps. I think she would have looked incredibly hot but that's the way I feel she looks all the time!
I would probably choose to wear something like this, minus the feather |
There are other thoughts that have gone through my mind over the years, such as if I would be as confident as I am today if I didn't have MS. This disease made me confident in myself to a different degree as I had to swallow my pride many times and basically say "fuck it" repeatedly when I was faced with nearly impossible challenges, that I became strong in ways I had never imagined. And the thing is, I like who I am. I really do. If I could be who I am without the MS, I would love it.. but I don't think that would be humanly possible. I needed to go through all the pain to get to where I am today. I'm not saying I'm thankful I have MS because I'm not. But at the same time, I don't know who I would be WITHOUT this disease. It has been with me for half my life so it is part of who I am. Part of my identity IS my multiple sclerosis. I hate it. I despise it. I want to be eternally in remission. But I don't know who I am without it. It makes my mom cry when I say such things to her, but it's mostly because she cannot understand and never will. She had breast cancer, a mastectomy, the cancer was gone.. end of story. There is no "gone" for me. Mine is forever. It's like a bad marriage where there is no chance of divorce or even a separation. Or maybe it's more like conjoined twins who can't live without the other as vital organs are inside her half of "our" body. I can compare it to many different things but in the end, I have MS until the day I die and that's just the way it is. I accepted this a long time ago and I'm even OK with it. I don't LIKE it, but that's alright. I'm not crazy about my very flat butt either but I've made my peace with that aspect of me, too.