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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

From confusion to clarity.. answers spoken in her purrs.

Today's vet appointment did not go as I had foreseen.  I was ready to talk with Dr. Ecker about how Emmi Sue had fallen over and a million other things I had written on the paper I took with me, but nothing went as planned.  As soon as we were in the examination room, Dr. Ecker put Emmi Sue on the scale and she had lost a half pound in one week.   The look on our vet's face almost mirrored the devastation I felt, but I reminded myself that I had chosen not to give Emmi Sue her subcutaneous fluids before going to the vet, so as to get a more accurate reading in her lab tests, and this contributed to her lesser weight.
For "cat people," I believe #7 could be changed to "Remember before you  hit me:  I have claws that could easily scratch your eyes out, but I choose not to blind you."
When I first read this post almost a year ago, I hoped I wouldn't need to utilize it for quite some time, but here I am, using it on my blog.  I am being faced with some terribly difficult decisions and not quite sure which way to turn, yet my heart is telling me what to do, and that is to keep fighting.  I'm just no longer sure that is what my baby girl wants anymore.  How can I know?  Why am I having so much trouble reading her?  Will I ever be sure of anything anymore?

Dr. Ecker has recommended putting in a feeding tube, which requires surgery, and I'm not sure how I feel about this yet.  I won't make a decision on this until we receive the results from her lab work tomorrow and I'm not even sure which way I'm leaning just yet.
As I was writing this entry, Emmi Sue jumped on my lap twice and has convinced me that, no matter what, she is not ready to leave me, and I am utterly relieved.  I am in no position to let my baby go just yet!  I am well aware that the time will come far too soon, but seeing her eating, hearing her purr each and every time I pick her up and feeling her sleep on top of me, all tell me that her time is not now, not yet!  Thank you, Emmi Sue, for telling your mommy what to do.  Your life, our story together, is not going to end until you say it is time.  I love you with all my heart forever and always. ♥

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