Thursday, April 12, 2012

MS.. 5th Tysabri infusion and more MRI's on the way

Another Tysabri infusion under my belt but the good thing is I managed to have my neurologist stop my "infusion room" for a few moments to talk about how I've been feeling.  He wasn't quite sure what to make of the way my body is severely leaning to the left (seriously, it's THAT bad!) but after speaking for a little while, we decided it was best to have my hips and lower back x-rayed and also to have some MRI's taken of my lumbar spine.  Yay!  This is what I've wanted all along!  I don't know why most of my neurologists tend to focus only on brain MRI's when the spine also shows lesions, and I strongly feel the way my MS has been hitting me lately will probably show up in the lumbar scans.  But these MRI's have to wait until the beginning of June, which is fine.  My neuro had already explained to me that he was planning on doing more scans after being on Tysabri for six months and June would be around that time.

I'm sure you've all noticed how I've chosen a different font for this post and I think I'll do this from now on since many of us with MS have vision problems.  I've had no trouble in reading what I write, but I do try to keep all of you in mind since my blogging is not for me alone.  If anyone is having trouble reading my blog, feel free to leave me a message after this post and I will do my best to address this issue, although it's worth mentioning that if you simultaneously press "Ctrl +" on your keyboard, it will enlarge the screen to your desired size.
I love the message in this image.  It speaks volumes to as to how I've been feeling lately and to how I'm sure many of you feel on far too frequent occasions.  Whether it's pain or a terrible circumstance we find ourselves in, if nothing else, we at least want to call a simple truce and get through it with as little damage as possible.  I've been trying to find things to "lose myself in", in order to distract myself enough that the pain becomes secondary to everything else in my life.  It hasn't been easy but there have been times when things as simple as online chatting or talking on the phone with my mom have worked.  Other times I lean back in my computer chair, light a cigarette and enjoy each puff and focus on just that.. nothing else but the simple joy of smoking.  Yes, I know smoking is not the best thing to do and I am not an advocate for getting anyone to begin this habit, but it is one of the simple joys I still have in my life.
My cats are my other joys and I could never describe their absolute beauty and importance in my life through simple words.  Last night I was hurting so very much and as I lay down in bed my little Allie came to me and would not leave me alone for the longest time.  It's as if she truly understands how I am feeling and when I need more love.  As I lay my head on the pillow, she decided to rub her sweet face on mine, purring the entire time.  Then the head butting began, but she was very gentle.  Jinger joined the love fest and rolled around next to me, filling the air with her musical purrs and almost bringing me to tears.  Emmi Sue was next as she climbed on my pillow and began to lick my hair, which she knows I hate, but on this night I allowed it to go on.  My girls understand me on a level no one else in the world ever could and if licking my hair is Emmi Sue's way of telling me "Mom, I love you!," then so be it.  I must have drifted off to sleep moments later because I have no recollection of anything except my phone alarm ringing many hours later.  Yes, I am very loved.

And so life goes on and I can only hope tomorrow will be slightly better.  Dorriane will be here AND it's chiropractor day!  I'm sure he will be extra gentle with me but I could use a good adjustment or two so I cannot wait.  Ahh, just thinking about it makes me feel better already.

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